Fleabag is one of those rare shows that can pull off a balance of hilariously funny with utterly devastating. It made me go from laughing to sobbing in seconds. Phoebe Waller-Bridge, who wrote, created, and stars as Fleabag, dives into heavy content: death, grief, mental health, loneliness, trauma, self-loathing. It’s about a woman grieving the death of her friend. It’s about how the habits she once found pleasure in have begun to hurt her. It’s about a woman confronting the fact that she doesn’t like who she’s become.
This is most evident in Season 2 Episode 4, which leans more into the realm of utterly devastating. It opens with Fleabag helping The Priest (played brilliantly by Andrew Scott) pick out a new chasuble. Their friendship is blossoming, and so is Fleabag’s love for him.
In a flashback of her mother’s funeral, as she’s having a candid conversation with her dad, Fleabag admits, “I don’t know what to do.” It becomes the theme of the episode. He responds, “Buck up. Smile. Charm.” He delivers it sarcastically, but it’s all the advice he has.
At the end of the episode she winds up at church at night, helpless and alone. The Priest, slightly drunk, suggests that she “confesses” to articulate her feelings. In the confession booth Phoebe Waller-Bridge delivers Fleabag’s most heart-wrenching and vulnerable monologue of the entire show, crying and clutching a shot glass. She reveals, “I just think I want someone to tell me how to live my life, Father, because so far I think I’ve been getting it wrong.” She asks him to tell her what to do and he replies, “Kneel.” Cue the dramatic music. She complies, the curtain swings back, and he kisses her. She needs support and empathy more than ever, and The Priest takes this vulnerable moment and indulges his own weaknesses.
Before Fleabag sees The Priest, as she kneels in the pew in the dark, she has a flashback of Boo, the friend she is grieving. Fleabag has been crying and processing her mom’s death, saying, “I don’t know what to do with it. With all the love I have for her.” Boo responds, “I’ll take it… It sounds lovely… It’s got to go somewhere.” This is the answer Fleabag needs. She doesn’t need someone to tell her to mask her grief, or to take advantage of her vulnerability, but to show that they are someone she can run to. Her flashbacks of Boo are so devastating because she was someone who would listen to and support Fleabag, and Fleabag has yet to find someone that can support her now.
To see someone else struggling and not reaching this completely life-changing epiphany is a strangely amazing and cathartic experience. According to the success and critical acclaim of the show, audiences seem to agree. I have never felt so much while watching a TV show. It’s funny and heartbreaking and messy and perfect.
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