How Going to Movie Theaters Alone Helped Me Feel Comfortable in Solitude

And why Americans need to normalize doing things in public by ourselves.

The first time I went to a film alone, I avoided interacting with anyone in the theater. Eyes glued to the sticky floors, I made my way to my seat. I had chosen one directly next to the wall so that I would not feel completely exposed and could lean on it for comfort. When the film ended, the elderly couple blocking my route to the aisle seemed intent on watching the entirety of the credits, so I climbed over the chair in front of me and stumbled out of the theater, hopefully looking like the suave stuntman played by Brad Pitt in the film I had just watched and not like the self-conscious, impulsive person I actually was.

Despite this rocky beginning, going to movie theaters alone became one of my favorite pastimes. I am aware this sounds completely antisocial and maybe even a bit sad. Society dictates that we should never be comfortably alone. Ideally, that person dining by themselves is just waiting for someone to meet them, or that person at the theater is just waiting for someone to bring back popcorn. We fear solitude. Or perhaps we just fear how solitude appears to others.

A study by marketing researchers Rebecca Ratner and Rebecca Hamilton found that people “often feel inhibited from engaging in hedonic activities alone, especially when these activities are observable by others.” Further, they anticipate how much they will enjoy the experience based on if they are alone or accompanied by friends. Our fear of judgment, and society’s aversion to being alone, can hold us back from many meaningful experiences.

I first started going on solo movie dates in college. I was living out of state for the first time — in New York City, no less — and feeling isolated in one of the most densely populated cities in the world. And yet, the old-fashioned, minuscule theaters in The Village did not make me feel lonely. No, I was part of an audience. Plus, during a time when every freshman was racing to make friends, movie theaters were the one place that didn’t demand I be social.

This opened my eyes to the world of bizarre indie films and decades-old foreign films. Sure, I still saw movies with other people. (I ended up making friends after all). But going alone presented an opportunity to see films that I knew my friends might not enjoy. There are few things worse than sitting through a film that you know your partner is silently deploring.

Then, during my second semester of college, the Covid-19 pandemic hit. Movie theaters closed. I returned to Colorado to live with my parents and experienced unprecedented levels of anxiety.

As movie theaters began opening up again, I noticed a shift within myself and my fellow moviegoers. There was a desperate need within me to connect with people again — not just through meeting up with friends or family. I needed to be in a crowd and feel human again. Going to movie theaters helped. Audiences were more vocal — laughing out loud, sniffling, gasping in shock. We all seemed to crave human connection and felt more comfortable than ever before forming these connections with empathetic strangers. Months of isolation made me long for the act of sitting in a room filled with people I didn't know, staring at a screen.

This habit continued when I studied abroad in England — and where the £5 for under 25 deal certainly didn’t hurt. I wasn’t a lonely, confused, excited, terrified American student living in an unfamiliar place. I was a part of the audience, watching the 50th anniversary showing of The Godfather in a completely packed theatre, gasping as the car exploded. Or The Souvenir Part II, knowing what it feels like to be at university, lost and unprepared. Or In the Mood for Love, crying while remembering that one person who never heard the truth.

In every unfamiliar situation, films were there to comfort me. The darkness of the movie theater not only offered a veil of anonymity but gave me the opportunity to confront personal thoughts, feelings, emotions. The films allowed me to think critically and to be confident in my opinions. If the film was particularly thought-provoking, it led to introspection and made me evaluate my life. While experiencing major life changes, it made me check in on myself.

Most importantly, watching these films alone made me feel.

We are living through what has been called an Epidemic of Loneliness, deepened by social media and the global pandemic. A recent survey conducted by Harvard found that “36% of all Americans—including 61% of young adults and 51% of mothers with young children—feel “serious loneliness.”” The beginning of the pandemic, for many people, made solitude unavoidable.

In Psychology Today, Tara Well, Ph.D. explains one paradoxical way that people can become more comfortable with being alone. Taking from the work of psychologist D.W. Winnicott, Well explains that the “quiet presence of another” may help. This can take the form of a picture of family on your desk, or by making art that you know a friend will appreciate, or even thinking of a good memory of a lost loved one. In other words, “We need to know that another sees us and that we are separate from them simultaneously.”

The secret to being comfortable with your own company is knowing that you aren’t truly alone. Films did that for me. Is going to movie theaters alone the solution to this mental health epidemic? Of course not. In my experience, it has simply helped me feel more comfortable being with myself and it has given me a space to check in on my mental health through the medium of film. It has become something I can do for myself in a setting where I can feel connected to others.

Films can unite us. In a time with unprecedented levels of loneliness, that is something worth holding on to.

If you are considering watching a film by yourself, I urge you to buy that movie ticket. Get some popcorn, candy, a drink. Sit down and feel the thrill of the lights dimming. Ponder how the movie makes you feel. Why is it making you feel that way? How? How is it making the rest of the audience feel? I urge you to laugh out loud during the funny parts. Gasp during the shocking parts. Don’t hide your tears during the devastating parts. You will find that the audience is right there with you.